Here’s the update. Came back from California, go live with tammy, dealt with the shithead and just left that behind. Moved on foccused on me. As in dealing with the whole reason I took off. Not being shallow, ok? The ONE TIME I’m actually dealing with my issues. Doctor’s appointment tuesday to basically get an eyepatch (fucken pirate for halloween joy, BAH) Going to get counceling on a sliding scale (cheaper but the help is still the same) and some meds as in Paxil or Zoloft that will help mellow me out and most importantly LEARN TO DEAL WHEN I get the urge to run away in general.
The most important change thats about to happen (happening Friday 29th) is becoming a Live In Nanny to some friends I have known for a while. I’m comfortable with holding a baby, yes a baby that spits and pees and poos and so on. I’m ok with holding him (the baby’s name is Ronin Michael, last name withheld for a reason, don’t ask on the name I don’t know why and its not my baby but I will care for him as though he is)
Those that know why I was so afraid of dealing with a baby know why. Don’t ask if you don’t know, not trying to be rude but its super personal and something I am still dealing with and coping with to this day, the one decision I regret….etc
He’s SOOOOOO CUTE! Yes, even when crying or spitting up. I’m trying to see him through his mother’s eyes, as something precious and to care for. I’ve changed his diaper, been peed on and dealt with it, bottle fed him -even though he is four weeks he can take a bottle- held him while he slept, calmed him when he was crying for no reason and worst/best dealt with his mom feeding him while I was in the room and I didn’t stare! (PERVS! DON’T ASK! LMAO)
I think its even better that his dad is willing to spend time with him too. He seems to be dealing with the fact that he’s got a kid now and for a few weeks will be the only one working. I’m still trying to find a job as in part time evening job. But until then I’ll take what I can get.
So HI MOM, Doug, J & V and all my myspace friends that have been informed about this site. HUGS TO ALL OF YOUS!!!! (You)
No Comments Yet
No comments yet.
