(This blog pertains to two or three different people, of if I really wanted to, all the people boyfriends and girlfriends in my life. oh yes I am bi but I don’t throw it out there since not many people I have encountered can deal with it. it this whole thing angers you then stop reading please. Not trying to be snarky just sensible..but after this particular warning I can at least promise no cursing) Also there are lyrics at the end of this long monotonous post
I find it unfair…
Why is it that just because you cannot figure out what you want or that you are “not ready” or cannot deal/handle or are going through some difficult time in your life do you see fit to drag me through your emotional time? Or leave me to hang when I at least want to be there for you, to let you know that I understand what you are going through and you can trust me to help.
I find it unfair that i have to stay here (which I willingly remain) and take each day with you out of reach from me emotionally and physically if not in other metaphysical forms. I willingly stay, but I cannot deal with the distance.
It is unfair to have a relationship where everything is fine, we are comfortable and boundaries have been set, etc then you take it away from me. You have your comfort or ways of being comforted, but what about me? I found that comfort and solace just by holding hands or being able to be near you and hug you. Now you have taken that away? Even if I can hug you its not the same anymore…it feels empty pr that something is being held back. Yet I still say nothing
It is unfair, because now I am beating myself up inside, blaming myself that if I had just chilled out, not pushed, not said something stupid or done something or not done something this would have worked. Its all my fault I can’t survive any relationship without screwing it up etc. Whether you knew this or not now you do know, I beat myself up when something fails. Oh yes I have sai “Have your fit, your cryings and episodes when something bad happens then get up and move on…” And yet of course I have the longest emotional fit before I can get up and move on…such the hypocrite am I.
The worst thing I find is that I am super jealous now, fearing that there is someone else that I don’t/didn’t know about who is waiting behind the curtains so to speak, waiting for me to leave so s/he can have you all to her/himself…
it is the silence that kills me inside, and it is that once I am gone I have no idea what you will do but that I know I will break inside and have no one there to cling to, no one to hold me and ease the pain…and though I will never admit this to your face I will miss you terribly and think of you from time to time as the days pass on, but I will never be able to treat you the same way as before. (The way I treated you when we were in the great relationship, that cannot be) Because you have set the boundaries now and I do my best not to cross them, not to touch your heart and remind you of what was or that there is still time and that I will still be here…no I will not say that to you because in your mind and heart you have already chosen what must be.
and in your world I will not exist that way anymore. I ask only this
DO NOT come to me and speak of how great your life is KNOWING what it will do to me. DO NOT feign ignorance of how speaking of how great you are doing and your new love has hurt me. I will not bring up such things and drag you down or vent upon you, so please do not do the same to me. I do my best to be a friend to all my friends, so I ask you do the same and do not remind me of what once was unless you intend to pick up where we left off etc. I wouldn’t DARE put you through such hell (even though I so want to an I o my best not to be bitter and petty) I will not do that to you. don’t break my heart lest I break yours worse than anyone has.
TWO SONGS Lyrics By Avril Lavigne (if you have head her songs sing along, if not please go listen to them. I CHOSE MY SINGERS based upon their lyrics, NOT their personal lives or how they have changed images etc. I LIKE THE LYRICS because it fits with what is going on. ok. done now)
“My Happy Ending” (unedited version, language)
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh…
Let’s talk this over
It’s not like we’re dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don’t leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
[Chorus:]
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh…
You’ve got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I’m difficult
But so are they
But they don’t know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do [CD version]
All the stuff that you do [radio edited version]
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
[Chorus]
It’s nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It’s nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
[Chorus x2]
[x2]
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh…
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh…
“When You’re Gone”
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I’d need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I’m alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
[Chorus]
When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
I’ve never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
[Chorus]
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I’d do, I’d give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah
[Chorus]
No Comments Yet
No comments yet.
